


The Sun

by boopsehun



Category: BTOB
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:14:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26878792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boopsehun/pseuds/boopsehun
Summary: Like the shades of purple at dawn, and the passionate reds at dusk. Like rising above the horizon, and descending into deep nights. You were to me, a gleaming sun.
Relationships: Jung Ilhoon/Yook Sungjae
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is written in Ilhoon's POV. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing !

I wake up to the sunlight grazing over my eyelids. The morning light greets me with full force, as I struggle to pull myself out of bed. I sit myself up and glance over out of the window — the sun hangs high up in a clear blue sky. Another sunrise, another day of reminiscing about what used to be us. Now it’s just me. And every waking moment I’m reminded that you’re no longer around. Your scent that used to linger on my sheets, the disheveled bed hair you adorned every morning, your loving smile that bestowed upon me the moment I opened my eyes.

All these became a thing of the past.

> _[Fall, 2017]_

_‘Jung Ilhoon, get out of bed!’_

_Your voice is ringing in my head. I’m hit with a whiff of tofu stew that made its way into the bedroom. It was your best dish. I drag myself out of bed, seeing as you hold the piping hot stew with both hands. You set it on the table and call me over._

_‘Go wash up already you sleepyhead… you should come have it while it’s hot.’_

_The warmth of the stew heats me up. You know how sick I can get with the cold weather. I never had to worry with you around. You were the half of me that made sure I had everything I needed. And gone were the days of warmth — the days of knowing your embrace and kindness. Gone, was your presence._

We had a thing for dawn and dusk. There was something alluring about every sunrise and sunset. As the sky shifts in form and color, hues of purple and pink dancing amongst a picturesque cloudy sky, we fell in love with the way the skies altered itself through daybreak and eventide. We fell in love — not just with the auroras that every start and end of day brought us, but we fell in love with each other.

> _[Spring, 2018]_

_‘Sungjae grab the camera, the sun’s about to set!’_

_You scurry over with the camera as I sat on the edge of the cliff, watching as the sun inches slowly down towards the horizon. We were on a camping trip up in the mountains and somehow found the perfect spot to watch the sundown. You set the camera for a time-lapse and moved over to sit by my side. Our eyes stay glued to the setting sun, watching as the skies transform, like a painting in progress. Within minutes, the sweet coral pinks turned into an evening azure, and we turned to look towards each other._

_There’s a glimmer in your eyes. I could see myself in those eyes. You smiled at me so lovingly, as if I was all you could see. I’ve never felt more cherished than when I’m by your side. As you leaned in to kiss me, I wished the moment lasted a little longer. I wished you stayed a little longer._

I knew no warmth beyond your being. You were always so approachable — there to help me through everything. On bad days, you made me feel less heavy and uptight, sharing my load. On good days, you share my joy, pushing me to be better and do good. You were the positive beam of light in my times of darkness, that no amount of warmth or sunshine could equate to.

> _[Summer 2019]_

_‘Just jump in, I’ll catch you!’_

_The fluctuating currents frighten me a little. I watch as you stay afloat in the vast ocean. Coming on this vacation was a challenge to me, knowing we would be out in the waters. There’s a slight fear in me as I’m faced with the immensity of an ocean that goes deep beyond my knowledge._ _But you’re calling out to me. So I clutch both fists onto my life jacket, eyes closed shut, and I dive straight into the waters. A rush of adrenaline sends shocks down my spine as I hit the waters. I start to flail around, trying to grasp onto anything. I frantically kick my legs, in an attempt to swim above the waters. Then, I felt myself grabbing onto your arm, as my head surges above the surface._

_‘You’re okay. Look, you’re doing fine!’_

_Your voice reverberates in my mind as I gasp for air. You hold onto me, offering reassurance. I regain awareness, breathing heavily, and trying to calm myself down. My hands stay clasped onto your shoulders as we both stay afloat, amidst the blue waters._ _You were a pillar of support, always there to keep me grounded. I could count on you to be there to catch me each time I fell. Who’s to know how I would stay afloat without you around._

Meeting you was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. I remember the first time we met, under cherry blossoms, with the spring wind breezing past our shoulders. The scenic beauty that surrounded us, incomparable to the allure you possessed. In my eyes, not even the blooming flowers could come close to how beautiful you were.

> _[Spring, 2016]_

_'So… really pretty flowers huh?'_

_You let out an awkward laugh as you try to break the ice. Your hand reaches to scratch the back of your neck, lost as to what to say or do. We’re walking down a pathway lined with countless cherry blossom trees. Flower petals fell to the ground in a rather cinematic manner, and the view was stunning. You reached into your backpack and pulled out a film camera._

_‘Ilhoon, we gotta take a photo!’_

_Still feeling kind of shy and self-conscious, considering it’s the first date, my cheeks flushed slightly. You put your arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer for the photo. I look towards the camera, letting out a small smile. The camera shutter goes off and the blinding flash catches the both of us by surprise. I rub my eyes and you’re scowling in pain._

_‘Ahh, silly me, forgot about the flash…’_

_I blink a few times and look up at you. I let out a little chuckle, finding your little mistake strangely adorable. You laugh too, scratching your head and feeling quite embarrassed. For lack of wit, you made up for it with a pleasant attitude. I knew for sure we had to start somewhere._

Like the start of every story, there was bound to be an ending. Except I did not see it coming. Before I could even reach to unfold a new chapter, you were gone. Like empty pages that created voids within a story plot, our story saw an abrupt finale. Like a poet that lost love, I live like a corpse. It was so hard to let you go, to lose you. This time of living without you, I start to lose myself. Without you around, everything about me became noticeably dull. My clothes saw nothing beyond shades of grey and black. I walked with slow steps, eyes stuck to the ground beneath my two feet, head hanging low. I find myself lost on long bus rides, often too focused on the shifting scenes outside to notice I had missed my stop.

Winter of 2019, you carved out a void of emptiness in me. Nothing has been the same ever since. And winter from then on never felt the same either. A season meant for time with family, sitting by the fireplace, and exchanging thoughtful gifts, a season that was meant to bring love and joy — winter became cold and brutal, it became a time of memorial, a season to remember what you’ve left of me.

> _[Winter 2019]_

_‘I’m sorry you have to spend Christmas in here.’_

_You lay dully on the hospital bed, your body drained of energy. It’s been 2 months and your condition only got worse with time. Yet, you still hold a slight smile on your face, gazing softly up at me. I hand you the gift I prepared and elevate the bed frame so you can sit up. You tear apart the wrapping paper slowly, lifting the lid of the box to reveal my gift. A tiny voice recorder sits safely amongst shredded paper within the box._

_‘I made a song about you, for you.’_

_I plug in the earphones so you can listen to the song I wrote and made, which I spent the past 2 months trying to perfect. Times spent in and out of the hospital, praying every single day that you’d recover. Going through constant blood tests and injections, having to take countless medications, it was just as painful for me to watch you through it all._

_Tears roll down your cheeks as you finish listening to the song, on your pale face that was no longer rosy like before. You reach over to hold my hand, and you smile at me, yet again._

_‘Thank you, for everything.’_

If I knew you would leave me the next morning, I would’ve held those hands tighter. If I knew those were your last waking moments, I would’ve held you closer. And if I knew losing you would hurt this bad, I would’ve never loved this hard. But you were a love like no other. Like the shades of purple at dawn, and the passionate reds at dusk. Like rising above the horizon, and descending into deep nights. You were to me, a gleaming sun — and I will always remember the warmth of your love.


End file.
